Today is Eunice’s third driving improvement course. She has not been deducted points, nor has she encountered any accidents. Just that she has always doubted her ability to drive. For the past five or six years, she has been driving an off-white Mini Cooper to and from work every day. She has never been in any traffic accidents.
When Eunice was driving, her boyfriend would always act as her second pair of eyes. Although that stressed her a little, she also felt more at ease. So when she made decisions on the road, she would think about what her boyfriend would want her to do.
Similarly, Eunice would always guess what other drivers on the road were thinking. Whenever a car approached, she would slow down her car excessively, sometimes even deviating from her driving space to accommodate others. “How should I be more cooperative?” Besides driving, Eunice’s life is also like a game of “minesweeper”. She often guesses what others think and expect, shaping her image based on this. She walks the “path of least offense”, unknowingly burying her autonomous self. In life, Eunice has never looked at herself directly.
For the past two or three years, Google Maps has been Eunice’s driving partner. One day, her network data ran out. She couldn’t use Google Maps to navigate. And she happened to have a very important meeting at her company. She asked for a taxi but there was none available. She would definitely arrive late if she took the subway. Eunice thought at that moment: “I can’t be late, or my boss and my customers will yell at me!” Because of this thought, she mustered up the courage to drive back to the company on time without any help. Her meeting ended successfully. “Well done Eunice!” As usual, her boss smiled with satisfaction at Eunice’s work performance. Eunice completed her mission and exceeded expectations. However, her boss did not notice the cold sweat on Eunice’s palms.
Why did Eunice do so well that day? She realized that she was so focused on her destination that she no longer had space to think about how other drivers saw her. She no longer let those “how do other drivers see me” conjectures interfere with her driving. She felt more relaxed because of that. Eunice also realized that as long as she understands the route, observes the road conditions clearly, maintains the correct driving position and decides swiftly when “switching lanes”, she doesn’t need to worry. That time was the first time in her life that she had felt in control when driving.
Life is the same. Recognize what kind of life you want to live. Feel what you want to feel. Build up and maintain your sense of self. Be mentally prepared to face impermanence. Do not reject changes. Accept the possibility of needing to “switch lanes”. You can live life freely. Everyone can take the wheel of their life. There is no need to care too much about what other “drivers” think of yourself on the road of life. Know that everyone has their place on the road. Remember the direction and destination you want to go. Living like this is to live your best self. Maybe at some point in your life, you will be shocked to realize that such a self exists. Will you choose to embrace yourself? Or will you use other reasons (such as being forced by the world, meeting the wrong people, etc.) to avoid facing yourself? If you choose avoidance, does it mean that you haven’t mustered the courage to accept yourself? Does it mean you don’t love yourself enough?
It was a crisp autumn day. On this cool yet sunny weekend, Eunice put down the map and followed her feelings. Accompanied by her cat, she relaxedly drove her Mini Cooper for a countryside picnic.
(Details of the story have been modified to protect patient privacy)
Written by: Dr. William Chui
Originally posted on: HK01 (01 clinic)
Translated by: Cheuk Long Chan
