To ensure everyone can live in smile-filled harmony under the same roof, we must understand how the human brain works. When the brain thinks that it is currently under threat, it will sound the alarms and release stress hormones (adrenaline and cortisol), putting the person into a combat state.
At home, the alleged threats perceived by our brain often do not correspond to real crises (such as an injury from tripping, a water pipe bursting, or a fire). Rather they could more commonly be from the expectation to face harsh criticism. These predicted criticism can come from the speech or expression of family members, or self-criticism due to subjective feelings of inadequacy. As the brain sounds the alarm, “pressure” is forced onto us – Emotional tension, anxiety, and anger. The mental activity heightens, with the brain seeking solutions to crises constantly. The accompanied physical responses can include accelerated heartbeat and breathing, increased blood pressure, and muscle tension.
The right level of stress can motivate us to solve problems.
However, if the stress is too great, the resulting physical and mental reactions will be counterproductive, weakening rational thinking and worsening the situation. Even if there is no crisis, it will become one. In family life, when a person is stressed out, three actions often follow: 1. Fight: For example, constant yells, sarcasm, or even small fights. 2. Flight: For example, avoidance and refusal to communicate, hiding in one’s room, or even stalling one’s stay outside. 3. Freeze: Lack of understanding and response to one’s family, or zoning out, “freezing” exactly like a computer.
When our family is stressed out, it is indeed difficult to show our pretty side. However, if everyone can deftly create a harmonious atmosphere, the family will naturally grow prettier.
Specific ways to achieve this include: 1. Organize your home: Keep the environment simple and tidy, which can increase the sense of security. 2. Avoid noise: Loud noises can confuse the brain into sounding the alarm. 3. Smile more: Keeping a resting face can easily be misunderstood as criticism. 4. Avoid overt reminders: It is human nature to want your family members to progress continuously, but if you push them too hard, the stress will blow up. For example, when cooking, giving everyone more space to slowly make progress will help readjust the pressure and performance level to the most optimal.
Written by: Dr. William Chui
Originally posted on: HKEJ Health
Translated by: Cheuk Long Chan
