Half a year ago, the daughter went to study abroad alone. Over the past six months, the parents have had trouble sleeping and eating. Today, after reading this email from their daughter, they felt relieved because they knew that their daughter was growing up.
Dad, Mom:
I have been “ghosting” you for a week without replying to you. I know you are worried about me, sorry. Because I want to concentrate on writing this letter to you and share an adventure I had here.
In the past two months, I met the school counselor. Her office was very tidy, and there was a vase with a flower on the table.
What exactly is this adventure? Do you still remember what I told you six months ago that a storm completely destroyed the garden shed I built with my own hands, so I cried all night? I felt that the universe was so cruel and unfair. Why are the neighbor’s flowers fine, but mine all died?
When I tell you this, I actually want to tell you, thank you for your efforts, since I was little, to secretly place many beautiful people and good things in my beautiful little world. At the same time, you helped me filter out the bad things. I remember more than ten years ago, you told me the reason why the small flower garden on the house terrace managed to survive the wind. The bottom of the flower pots were tied with iron wire. And you specifically chose a “no wind” place for them.
Also, I don’t know if you remember what I told you, but on the first night I arrived, I had the guts to share a taxi ride with a stranger. When we got to the train station, the stranger got off the train and left without paying for the taxi. Let me tell you at that time, I was so disappointed. It turns out that people in this world can be so ugly. I felt so helpless.
After that, my counselor told me about “Prisoner’s Dilemma”. I finally understood that the way I used to get along with my middle school classmates did not apply to every situation. After that taxi ride, both parties were definitely not going to see each other again, so he chose defect instead of cooperate. What was so surprising about it? I thought more about this. I used to be too naive and simple. I didn’t fully understand interpersonal relationships. I always had wishful thinking. I didn’t know whether the other party would reciprocate. I blindly guess their intentions. Then I would be disappointed. And I just cried. After I finished crying, I continued to be attached to my fantasy world.
To be honest, at the beginning, I was really sad and helpless when my counselor exposed the other side of the world to me. But after meeting her several times, her gentle guidance gradually changed my feelings. I felt like I could see things clearly. My eyes became sharper and my mind broadened. After I saw clearly what life is, I felt an inexplicable sense of hope. Facing daily life and the future, I was no longer as frightened as before.
My counselor taught me that life must be “organized”. Do you remember that when I was young, we would play Rummikub before a nap after eating? You taught me that the way to win is not to lose your temper and force people to follow my rules, but to have a comprehensive understanding of how the game is played and the rules set by the game designer. Of course, luck is very important, like drawing a “smiley face”, but the more important thing is to have a plan. The most important thing is to know what is winning. To “win” in life, you need to find someone willing to grow with you and live a healthy, loving, and meaningful life together.
These days, I like to listen to the song “When I Am OIder”. I really think that when a person matures, they will believe that “absolutely everything makes sense.” I used to complain all the time that things didn’t make sense, but actually, it was just because I hadn’t grown up yet. The counselor guided me step by step, and I could see clearly the reasons and causes behind people’s mistakes, which made me understand a lot more about many things.
Finally, I want to ask you a question. Looking at the attached picture, do you know what kind of flower this is? Before I left, I couldn’t help but ask my counselor what the name of this powerful counseling technique she used was. She just smiled tenderly and asked me: “Why is a name important?” Then she looked at the flower and said to me: “No matter what name you call this flower, its fragrance will always remain the same.”
Your precious girl
(Details of the story have been modified to protect patient privacy)
Written by: Dr. William Chui
Originally posted on: HK01 “01 clinic”
Translated by: Cheuk Long Chan
