Pandemic life not going his way, the master of the sky transforms into a Pikachu
“Can I get a photo with you?” “I want to hug you in the photo! Is that okay?”
The queue of people waiting to take a photo with Steve was so long that the waiting time was 30 minutes. No matter who it was, everyone was waiting with excitement. Steve had never seen so many smiling faces. After a busy day, Steve could finally return to the lounge, sit down and drink a glass of water. “Wait a minute. I almost forgot. I need to take off this heavy mask first.” The yellow Pikachu mask weighed at least ten kilograms. Steve looked at himself in the mirror. The chubby yellow outfit. His head drenched with sweat. He suddenly felt sad enough to want to cry, but at this moment he could only smile bitterly.
Steve was originally a cabin crew, a master of the sky. He has a good appearance. Five feet ten tall. With a sunny aura and a strong body. He is full of enthusiasm, meticulous in his work and down-to-earth in life. To his friends, colleagues, wife or children, he is the reliable and warm Steve. Unfortunately, due to the COVID-19 global pandemic, Steve has been unemployed for nearly half a year. Staying at home every day, he gradually felt that not only was his savings being drained, but he was also constantly “losing value”. Every day, Steve worked hard to take care of his children and fund their studies. He was also actively looking for a new job. Fortunately, his wife had a stable income, and she was very grateful that Steve took good care of the family. Even if life did not go their way, She was still grateful that her family could live a happy life.
However, Steve did not feel this comfort. He didn’t blame others, but he was getting more and more anxious. “I have no income. I can’t even take care of myself. How can I take care of my wife and children? I am so useless now. They will definitely like me less.”
It turns out that Steve has always looked at himself through a “magic mirror”. When he looks at others, he only sees their strengths. But when he looks at himself, he always magnifies his own shortcomings. Because of this illusion, he always has to get 120 marks when doing things (because 100 is not good enough for him!). That is why he is loved by the people around him. Gradually, Steve became convinced that his value was based on his ability to meet the requirements and expectations of others. At the same time, Steve developed the thinking habit of “not cutting himself any slack”. He won’t allow himself to be flawed or let others down. He always has to present his perfect image to others. Praise from others has further strengthened his belief that he must be useful and perfect.
After he lost his job, Steve increasingly felt that no one looked up to him anymore. Due to the “gathering restrictions”, there were fewer gatherings among friends. He suspected that his friends were deliberately alienating him because he was unemployed. “They must think I’m a loser!” Steve thought. As a good gentleman, he did not express his anger at others but still he deeply felt his inadequacy. Recently, his housemaid couldn’t buy the lettuce, which he liked, in the market since lettuce is out of season. The housemaid instead often cooked the choy sum, which his wife liked. Therefore, Steve believed: “I no longer have status. I can’t even eat what I like.” Because he is obsessed with the delusion of “I am worthless”, any small things in life can easily make Steve feel targeted, further strengthening his obsession.
The feeling of insecurity haunts Steve every day. From time to time, a picture appeared in his mind: the people who most loved him all despise him and leave him. He firmly believed that this day would eventually come, so he was afraid. He could not accept such a day. Gradually, he lost the courage to approach his wife, children and friends. He deliberately kept a distance from them. He only dared to present the “ideal me” he had created to keep himself at ease. He feared that his flaws would be exposed and he would be further despised. Steve began to live on the “safe desert island” he established.
Recently, Steve finally found a part-time job as a cartoon character in a shopping mall. “I used to look down on people taking pictures with cartoon characters. I thought it was so pointless. But now, I have to rely on this job to earn a living!” Steve’s heart was very tired. On Saturday, when the kids were on vacation, the wife suddenly came to visit Steve with the kids. But Steve felt ashamed and wanted to avoid them.
“Dad, you’re so cool. You can even wear the heavy Pikachu outfit! Look, these kids are so happy to see you!” “Dear, your kids think you are cute as Pikachu. They love you like that. So they want to surprise you today! You know, we haven’t eaten at the same table for so long. Why don’t we go out for a meal tomorrow?”
“They still love me so much!” Steve felt a warm feeling in his heart.
From then on, Steve was no longer obsessed with managing his perceived image and value. What he saw was the fundamental meaning of his life. Steve understood that if you can’t even accept yourself and need to wear the “perfect shell” you created in front of others, you are rejecting yourself, denying yourself, and mistakenly basing your value on others’ perceptions of you. This is no different from unconditionally surrendering the control of your life to others.
Sometimes, even if you don’t necessarily know what kind of life you want to live, at least you know what kind of life you don’t want to live. Discover yourself. Get to know your true self. Then accept and cherish this self. Present this self naturally in front of others. This way you can build close and lasting relationships with others. And these relationships are what give life meaning and value.
(Details of the story have been modified to protect patient privacy)
Written by: Dr. William Chui
Originally posted on: HK01 (01 clinic)
Translated by: Cheuk Long Chan
