The sight of this topic makes many people feel bored: “It must be about listening, caring, and empathy…” They understand the principle, but when it comes to application, they feel that it is difficult to lend a helping hand to those in emotional distress. Some people even feel the need to evade those with emotional problems. Why is it so difficult? Because people have many misunderstandings about this topic.
Misunderstanding 1: “I don’t agree with your behavior and beliefs. We have nothing to talk about, so I can’t help you.” There is no right or wrong in emotional feelings. You can feel and understand one’s pain and distress, but at the same time disagree with their actions and beliefs.
Misunderstanding 2: “You are in so much pain because you thought wrong, so what you need most is to listen to the truth. Hey, I’m doing it for your own good. Let me correct you.” The correct step is to take care of the subjective feelings of the person first. Let their emotion cool down. Then analyze things objectively and rationally. When people are emotionally aroused, they are not capable of rational thinking. Speeches at inappropriate times lead to counterproductive effects.
Misunderstanding 3: “My communication skills are so good. If you don’t want to talk to me, it’s your loss.” Skills are of course important, but more important is sincerity. That is sincerely feeling sorry for other’s emotional distress. Truly wanting to understand their feelings and thoughts. Truly willing to spend time with them. Truly try to help them escape pain (to show “compassion”). Without sincerity, all the skills, as well as the pretense of listening and caring, are just tricks. When people are emotionally distressed, they will activate the most important nature-given survival skill – to distinguish the people around us, between kindness and malice.
Keep sincerity in mind. Don’t argue whether the feelings are right or wrong. Talk about feelings first, then reason. Listen more and preach less. We can all help those in emotional distress.
Written by: Dr. William Chui
Originally posted on: am730
Written by: Cheuk Long Chan
