The new school year is a challenge for both children and parents. Parents worry about their child being bullied excluded by peers or ignored by teachers. One misstep can lead to both children and parents becoming depressed. What can parents do to make children willing to talk about school difficulties and accept their parents’ help?
Open communication requires a good relationship. A sense of security is always the cornerstone of the parent-child relationship. Only when children feel their parents can be relied on and trusted will they dare to express vulnerability. Parents often make a mistake, becoming anxious when their children are unwilling to express themselves. They unconsciously turn the conversation into a congressional hearing. When dealing with family relationships, the more you try to reason, the more often you will hit a wall.
Any relationship takes time to build. Think about how to use your limited time wisely. It can be 10 minutes a day or an hour a week. Let the children choose something they like to do and then do it together. It can be taking the dog for a walk, playing chess, reading books, going to the park, etc. A period to stay away from your mobile phones. Child-centered activities will make children naturally feel valued and loved by their parents. Many times, in a relatively relaxed environment, children are more willing to talk about things that are usually difficult to talk about.
Whether children are willing to reveal their inner feelings to their parents, especially for embarrassing things, depends very much on how their parents ask questions and how they respond. In addition to asking about interesting things about school, parents can also ask: “What is on your mind today that you can’t solve?” Expressing emotions through words is an important skill for processing emotions. Parents need to accept their children’s negative emotions. They don’t need to constantly tell their children “Don’t be sad,” or give them lengthy lectures. If parents can respond softly and calmly, their children will know that negative emotions are acceptable. They can learn from their parents how to deal with emotions appropriately.
Parents and children overcome challenges together in the new school year. This not only improves children’s cognitive and problem-solving abilities but more importantly, parents and children will not be depressed. They can enjoy growth together.
Written by: Dr. William Chui
Originally posted on: HKEJ website
Translated by: Cheuk Long Chan
