In the movie “Mad World”, although there are many conflicts, there are no villains. Every character in the movie has a lot of weaknesses, all fragile. Not only the people in the movie but also each of us can be very fragile. This kind of vulnerability can make us very painful and scared, not daring to face it. We might choose to escape, wrong ourselves, or show anger and hostility towards ourselves and others. How can we muster the strength? To turn vulnerability into strength? The audience could learn from this movie.
Everyone puffs up their chests, but we are all vulnerable
“Mad World” has four main characters: Tung (played by Shawn Yue) who suffers from bipolar disorder, Dung’s father (played by Eric Tsang), Tung’s mother (played by Elaine Jin), Adong’s ex-girlfriend Jenny (played by Charmaine Fang), plus several of Tung’s cage homes neighbors. They often clashed, attacked, and bullied each other. But no one in the story is a villain. What everyone has in common is that they are very fragile inside.
Many people believe that “family is a person’s last stronghold.” But why do so many people feel hurt and fragile when they are with their families? Everyone needs to love and be loved. This need, like breathing and drinking water, is very basic. This need is especially evident when we are babies, but we still have this need when we grow up and to the moment we die of old age. The most important thing is to love each other and establish a heartfelt connection with the people you value. Only in this way can people feel safe, fully affirm their self-worth, build a sense of self-esteem, and put appropriate trust in others. Your parents, family members, and partners are naturally the people who value you most. If this need is not met, people will feel vulnerable: they will have very uneasy emotions (panic, sadness), thoughts of self-harm and self-pity (feelings of inferiority and self-blame, thinking that they are not worthy of being loved, and a sense of powerlessness). However many people are unable to admit this vulnerability to themselves or others. As a result, they choose to escape, feel wronged, or show anger and hostility towards themselves and others.
In the movie, Tung’s father once chose to escape, while Tung’s younger brother was currently escaping. Tung’s father used work to avoid his family in his early years, alienated from his family, so he felt very guilty in the present. Tung’s younger brother is in the United States, avoiding all kinds of troubles at home. On the surface, he seems selfish and cold-blooded, but he is also afraid of fighting with his parents and brother.
Tung was almost foolishly filial to his sick mother, to the point of constantly sacrificing himself. He was beaten and kicked by his mother, who kept saying that he was a bastard, which made him feel very wronged. This stemmed from his deepest fear – “In the eyes of my mother, I am a bad boy who is not worthy of being loved.” Even though Tung’s father was exhausted, he still insisted on taking on the responsibility of taking care of Tung alone. He believed that asking for help was equivalent to outsourcing the responsibility, which was irresponsible. His inner fragility was due to the thought of “Facts proving that I am a really bad father.” This thought frightened and hurt him. It is more painful than his self-sacrifice.
Jenny suggested to Tung that his mother should be sent to a nursing home. Tung slapped her after hearing this. Behind the violence is fear. Tung was afraid that this would confirm his most painful thought – “I am an incompetent and useless boy. My younger brother will always be mother’s boy.”
His father gritted his teeth and said to Tung: “Can you be normal?” When Tung heard this, he not only thought it was an accusation but also a kind of humiliation. But the audience can easily see that the father is sending a distress signal, indicating that he is close to collapse, but he is unwilling to let go. He is in great pain.
When Tung discovered that his father had hidden under a pillow a hammer for self-defense, he became furious and scolded his father. The audience was afraid that he would kill his father with the hammer. But behind the fierce look is Tung’s extremely fragile heart – “Everyone rejected me, but I always believed that my father would love me and trust me. But it turns out that this was all my wishful thinking. When even my father doesn’t love me and doesn’t believe in me, what value do I have?”
In addition to family members, the discrimination against Tung by other tenants also shows that they are all very vulnerable. A single mother experienced psychological trauma. She witnessed Tung losing control of his emotions. The scene frightened her. Her rejection of Tung was all due to her most primitive maternal defense mechanism. The other neighbors are the most vulnerable people in society. Being a vulnerable person, teasing, or even bullying those who are more vulnerable can soothe your fragile soul, just like taking a psychological painkiller. However, this painkiller is poisonous and addictive, leaving you permanently vulnerable and controlled.
What do you do when you face your inner fragility?
Understand and be considerate of your own and others’ vulnerabilities. When people lose a lot, they naturally become fragile. During the onset of his illness, Tung lost control in public and acted recklessly, destroying his image, career, and marriage, leaving him with nothing. When Tung was applying for a job, his employer easily noticed that he had been out of work for a year. His friends knew that he was mentally-ill and laughed at him. His only identity was that of a person who had just graduated from Castle Peak Hospital. Tung can take all these grievances and humiliations. What made Tung collapse was that he hurt the woman who loved him deeply. Tung crushed Jenny’s ideal dream of a happy family and filled her with debts. After hearing Jenny’s confession in the church, Tung remembered what he had done before. The shame and self-blame made him go crazy with pain, and he had to keep stuffing chocolate into his mouth to relieve the pain. Tung felt this kind of pain in his heart because he had a conscience. If he didn’t have a conscience, he wouldn’t feel the pain.
Understand other people’s vulnerabilities, and you will know how to avoid touching their sore spots. His father said to Tung: “You are sick and need help.” It was actually out of concern, but Tung felt insulted. The word “patient” in English comes from the Latin patiens, which means a person who is suffering. This word is not discriminatory, but rather it reminds doctors not to forget their original intention of helping the ones who are suffering. But the three words “you are sick” have indeed been abused by too many people to insult others, especially mentally ill people. So instead of saying to Tung, “You are sick,” the father could have expressed it in another way: “Tung, you have suffered a lot,” and then listened to Tung’s inner suffering. When helping others, avoid inadvertently damaging their dignity.
Tung’s inner fragility stems from his unsatisfied need to “establish connections with others.” Psychiatric drugs absolutely cannot meet this need. The onset and relapse of many mental illnesses are due to the inability to establish this kind of connection with others, so they feel ashamed of themselves and constantly attack themselves with negative thoughts and emotions, causing mental uneasiness and eventually stress. Therefore, the concepts of acceptance, anti-discrimination, and inclusion are all necessary to help people with mental disorders. This has a medical basis and is not just a slogan shouted for “political correctness.”
It is not easy to establish an inner connection with someone who is mentally disturbed. It requires compassion and wisdom. Because when you are feeling uneasy, you are like a drowning person, shouting and flailing with your limbs. These expressions can easily scare other people, and as a result, it is more difficult to establish connections with other people. When the mind is broken, it will close itself off and reject others thousands of miles away. To help them, you need patience and time. As long as you think from the other person’s perspective, you will know what to do and what not to do.
Facing, acknowledging, and expressing your vulnerability is not easy. The most difficult part is not being able to ensure how the other party responds to your vulnerability. Because showing vulnerability does put you in a position where you can easily be hurt. But if you don’t put down your weapons, how can you get the other person to put down their weapons too? When everyone is armed, how can the two sides establish a close relationship? Tung said to his father indifferently: “You don’t know me, I don’t know you.” It was a kind of passive-aggressiveness, reminding the other party to keep a distance. But Tung was eager for father and son to understand each other, he just did not dare to directly express it. Many families are filled with a lot of sarcasm and negative words. Everyone might want to get closer to each other, but in the end, they all push each other away. In the end, Tung dared to face, admit, and express his vulnerability with open arms. He walked towards his father and frankly expressed his desire for his father’s love. The father and son came out of the predicament.
When the movie ended, I felt a sense of joy in my heart. This movie helps us understand vulnerability and gain strength from it to help ourselves and others become stronger.
Written by: Dr. William Chui
Originally posted on: The News Lens
Translated by: Cheuk Long Chan
