Ming has generally recovered from his depression after half a year of psychiatric treatment. When Ming first saw the doctor, his condition was not very serious. The most dangerous period was a few months before he sought treatment.
That day he tried to commit suicide by burning charcoal at home, but when he saw the suicide prevention helpline on the plastic bag, his thoughts changed with his fate. After Ming got through the call, he told the volunteer who answered the phone that he was not getting along with his wife. He kept forcing the other person to answer whether it was his fault or his wife’s fault. At that time, the volunteers did not make any judgments or give long lectures to Ming. They just patiently helped Ming express his painful feelings. After several conversations, Ming gave up his suicidal thoughts.
This was the first time Ming met someone who listened to his heart. For the first time, he expressed with words the emotions that led to those violent thoughts, instead of venting them through mutilation or violence. He began to reflect, why do his wife and he attack each other every day despite loving each other? It turned out that neither one of them dared to show their fragile side. He also understood that the reason why he wanted to commit suicide was to attack his wife – to use his death to make others see her as a vicious woman who “forced her husband towards death”, thus proving to the world that he had always been the victim.
In the song “Shall We Talk”, the singer contemplates whether speaking your heart really has therapeutic effects. It does, as long as someone listens attentively. Medical research has now found that if the doctor could do more than just ask about the specific condition and relevant information during psychiatric evaluations, and listen carefully to the subjective feelings of the suicidal person, the risk of future self-harm and suicide will be reduced. So, the answer to “Shall we talk?” is resounding “Yes”.
Talk about what? The most important thing is to talk about feelings. The reason why people hurt themselves is because they feel a lot of pain, so they formulate violent thoughts and those thoughts drive them. By listening to and accepting their voice, you resolve their painful feeling and the violent thoughts that follow. When emotions cool down, rational thinking returns and comes up with ways to solve problems. Other people’s suggestions will be heard. How do you find someone to listen to your feelings when you feel isolated and on the verge of death? In Hong Kong, the suicide prevention hotline service mainly relies on a group of volunteers who work silently to maintain operations 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Their careful listening made speaking one’s heart truly therapeutic, saving countless people.
(Details of the story have been modified to protect patient privacy)
Written by: Dr. William Chui
Translated by: Cheuk Long Chan
