If your family members are troubled by anxiety, you should avoid the following 4 careless mistakes:
(1) Over-empathy. When an anxious person says they feel uncomfortable, family members can just listen quietly. Many times, family members are afraid of insufficient empathy, so they always frown and speak solemnly. As a result, the anxious person feels that “I make my family members worry”. That means more energy is wasted to calm their family members down.
(2) Excess questions. “Are you feeling unwell?” This question stems from concern. But if you ask too many questions of concern, the patient will feel interrogated. They will have to rack their brain to come up with a persuasive explanation to leave others satisfied.
(3) Need for immediate response to care. Anxious people do not want to make their family members feel unappreciated. However, there is always a time when the person has to decline help, and the person will be stressed if they have to think for a few seconds how to decline. If you think the anxious person needs to drink water, there are at least three ways to express it: 1. Put the water in front of them; 2. Ask gently: “How about I pour you a glass of water?” 3. Place the cup and bottle on the table for everyone’s convenience. Think about what kind of hotel service would make you feel most comfortable. That tells you how to be caring and still let people feel autonomous.
(4) Heavy praise. Saying things that make you feel uncomfortable. Any words of praise that lead the other person to say “I’m sorry”, “Don’t sweat it” or “Just lucky” can quicken their heartbeat and breathing.
If you avoid the above four mistakes, family members under the same roof may communicate less. How do you solve this? One answer is reading.
When anxious people see their family members reading quietly, they calm down more easily. The pandemic trapped everyone at home. The topics would naturally jump to returning to school, returning to work, health, financial status, and even personal life. The original intention is to care, but when these topics become more and more intimate, it is easy to invade personal privacy. That’s when alarms ring in their heads. Reading broadens everyone’s topics, such as sharing trivia. This allows everyone to communicate casually.
Giving everyone more space and getting along peacefully can make life more elegant and home more comfortable.
Written by: Dr. William Chui
Originally posted on: Health HKEJ
Translated by: Cheuk Long Chan
