Parents all know they should listen attentively to their children. However, many times, parents cannot help but interrupt and give advice before their children have finished speaking. How do they avoid this? The first step is to be aware of their parental nature and avoid falling into emotional traps.
The default operating mode in the brain set by genes tells you that your children will always be the ones you care about the most. When it comes to the person you care about the most, you naturally want that person to get better, even better, and immediately. Whenever the children suffer, for example, not reaching their academic goals, parents also feel 100% of the pain. Therefore, it is natural for parents to be impatient when it comes to parenting. The wise way to respond is not to blame yourself or your spouse, but to be aware of and manage your uneasy emotions. And remind yourself and your spouse that human growth, which is the establishment of the brain’s neural network, is just like planting a tree, it takes time. To nourish the saplings of children, listening is important.
When parents listen attentively, they will often have thoughts similar to this: “My child is hitting a wall and suffering. I have experience. I know what they should do to solve the problem. I must teach them how to do it immediately.” But are the well-intentioned instant advice just based on your conjectures, assumptions, or subjective judgments? “The only thing I know is that I know nothing.” The wisdom in this famous saying of Socrates also applies to listening.
Say if parents do not impose their ideas and allow their children to speak clearly, both parties can see clearly what is troubling them. Parents who listen attentively and then speak slowly can keep the conversation going, and before they know it, they can think of new perspectives together. Troubled people can express their true feelings without interference. Once their emotions are expressed, their emotions will cool down and their ability to think rationally will be enhanced. As a result, it’s not about who wins the debate, but about finding new ways to do it together. Finding consensus through dialogue is the easiest way to convince teenagers because it makes them feel respected and capable of solving problems. Each successful listening experience increases the confidence of parents and children in listening, resulting in positive interactions and more and more conversations.
Written by: Dr. William Chui
Originally posted on: Health HKEJ
Translated by: Cheuk Long Chan
